Marco Orlando
I haven’t always had such good luck with women. I don’t know if I would ever be able to prove it, but I feel being disabled has likely contributed to it and my lack of success with dating and relationships in general. I get that I’m not for everybody and that not everybody wants me that way. But I hate how being disabled can be such a dealbreaker to so many shallow people before they’ve even really had a chance to get to know me. Why am I expected to settle for less than what I deserve because I supposedly can’t do any better than that? So frustrating.
I feel like there’s some sort of double standard when it comes to dating, and I don’t think we talk about it enough. You would think most of us would want a lot of the same things in a partner, even if we all prioritize those things differently. But I feel like some women can be just as shallow as guys sometimes. I’ve seen a few lose their minds over the “Magic Mike” types with the washboard abs. Some shallow women are looking for that “walk on water” “tall dark and handsome” “perfect 10” “alpha male” that’s filthy rich and always does what they tell them to do when they want them to do it. How am I supposed to compete with that? I get having preferences, but I guarantee you if a guy said they were looking for someone similar, a shallow woman would turn it around on them and be like, “Nuh-uh. Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.” Doesn’t sound very realistic to me.
Let me be clear. I’m not necessarily saying either side is wrong for having standards. We all take chances when we’re not afraid of aiming too high for what we want in love and in life. But we also need to be honest with ourselves about what we want and what we don’t want in a relationship. And sometimes that means reassessing our priorities and what we think is important.
I don’t have much faith in online dating because it’s too easy for someone to pretend to be somebody that they’re not. And I’ve been burned out on / burned by the bar scene. There’s hardly anything else going on around town nights and weekends that doesn’t require spending money or drinking. When did drinking become a prerequisite to going out at night and having a good time? I never understood it. I almost feel bad for someone who truly feels they’re not capable of having a good time without drinking. But that’s just me. Seriously though, how else am I supposed to meet people and make the kind of meaningful lasting connections I keep looking for? How does anybody else do it?
Granted, I don’t usually mind being single. I actually kind of enjoy it. But sometimes I worry my prime has passed me by or that time is running out for me as I see other people my age getting married and having kids. But then I realize it’s our society’s expectations and this whole “keeping up with the Joneses” thing and feeling like I’m missing out on something that I keep fighting with in my head.
It’s not that I don’t like people. I want to like people. I want to connect with people. I just wish there was a way to take out some of the guesswork that comes with dealing with other people. It would be nice if people could be honest and direct with me.
I don’t know if it’s so much a relationship that I want these days. It’s that I crave making those connections with people. Feeling heard, feeling understood, that’s what I want more than anything.
If you are self advocate and would like to share a blog post with us please email Laurie Coldwell at lcoldwell@sufumaine.org
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